Here I am sitting at home wondering what next to do with my
life? I had a job and I screwed it up. Believe me it was more than that. I am
still in the stage of my life where everything has a comedic or sarcastic
interpretation or motive and where things actually get serious and real.
I
appreciated the job though; they tried to help me fit in. I tried, honestly I
did. I know most people who know me will probably roll their eyes and sigh at
me but it’s true. I went home and read stuff, I goggled stuff and downloaded
stuff that were supposed to help me or improve me in my occupation but.
IT. DID. NOT. WORK.
This is basically impossible. Except, perhaps not. I found
myself in this “career” path not by choice but by necessity. The first time it
was a school requirement so whether or not I wanted to, I had to give it my
all. And the environment was conducive enough for me to somehow put myself in
my work, figuratively speaking that is. But the second time around. I thought
since the first time was good; why not give it a second shot, right? Wrong. It
was absolute chaos. A plane crash would have been prettier.
It has nothing to do with the people, well maybe just a
little. The job was clear, simple, and straightforward. Environment? Very
adult. (And that’s all I’m going to say) Ironic enough I was pushed out of my
“comfort” zone, which I welcomed nonetheless only to realize later that I
wasn’t ready for it and I couldn’t handle it. Especially not with the entire
setting. I came to work each morning and found myself even more disconnected
from my work and working environment than the day before. I looked into their
eyes and found no spark or glimpse of mutual interest. I had no idea what was
so exciting about it all? Perhaps I am just being spoiled, jumping to conclusions
or simply rude. Regardless it mattered to me for that to be there and it
wasn’t.
I had sleepless nights thinking of ways to impress with my
work and came up looking even more like a fool. It began to dawn on me why this
wasn’t working or seemed like it was. Ever since I had been a young girl, all I
wanted to do was be on my own. I wanted to do things my way. I had never once
had a dream of working and taking orders from any one in my life.
My father is a traditional man as educated as he may be,
some habits die hard evidently, I would on different occasions tell him what I
wanted for my future, and his reply would be “That is something a man would do,
not a woman” or “Men will be intimidated by you if you do that” or “Be a woman
and stop talking like that” all of which only motivate me even more.
To be truly honest, I went through years of hidings and
intense corporeal punishment before I learned to listen and obey authority in
my life. This is no coincidence. My family called it stubbornness and every order
word related to this.
BUT I SAY IT’S HARD
TO OBEY INSTRUCTIONS FROM ANYBODY WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO LEAD GIVE THEM YOURSELF.
(yes, I am being cocky now.)
Let me apologize to all those I have let down, disappointed,
those who probably saw so much potential in me that I am yet to discover, to
those who really tried to push me but I just wouldn’t budge.
I. AM.SORRY.
So it is absolutely clear to me that there was nothing wrong
with the job, the environment or the people. It was just me. All me. I was wrong.
I betrayed myself and stumbled off my path. I have been off my path for a while
now.
However the best thing about time is, it’s never too late to
get a watch. It’s never too late to start again.
I say cheers to a timeless generation and welcome to 2015 everyone.
#Blog #Fiction #Timeless #Generation #2015 #February #TheHustleContinues
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